The Hawaii trip is a little less than four months away. I had really hoped to be HOT by the time I stepped on the plane. Or if not exactly hot, then at least restored to my former glory. The glory that was me before I gained 30 pounds on chemo. While not hot, I was at least comfortable with myself. Wanting to be 15 pounds lighter is a whole lot better than wanting to be 45 pounds lighter.
I’m not sure if Todd is simply delusional or full of malarkey. I used to think it was the latter, but the older I get I’m starting to think he has a fantastical image of me in his head and that’s how he sees me. He’s taken to calling me his trophy wife – T-Dubya for short. But the reality is that I look more like a CPW – Consolation Prize Wife. And while I should be glad that he thinks I look good, I can’t help but think of the vacation photos that will shatter any illusions I’ve created in my mind. I can deny the truth for a while by avoiding mirrors, but eventually it will catch up to me.
Even if the vacation wasn’t looming, there’s still the matter of clothing. I was in Kohl’s the other day and they have some really nice clothes. The styles for this spring are so cute, but I refuse to buy anymore clothes in this size. Not only that, I also have vacuum bags filled with clothes I like, but can’t wear at the moment.
So I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting this afternoon. I’ve done the Flex Points on-line a couple of times and had a modicum of success. But I want to lose 45 pounds at a minimum and I think I’m going to need the extra oomph of actual meetings. I wonder if they can give me enough oomph to lose it all before I go to Hawaii! Yeah. You’re right. Probably not.
I won’t be starting the actual plan until tomorrow. Which means I need to eat anything and everything I want to today. I’ve already stopped for one venti White Chocolate Mocha and the day’s still young. Hm. What can I eat next? Maybe a whole loaf of fluffernutters. I’ll need another White Chocolate Mocha for that!