One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I saw the dermatologist today. The one I called a quack because he didn’t pick up I had shingles. Except for that the medicine should have just about cleared me up by now and I’m just as diseased as I was last week. So I went to see him.

He’s fairly certain I don’t have a virus, though he learned a long time ago to never say never. Generally, however, viruses only last a couple of weeks and I’ve had these lesions for over seven. But he took a fluid sample from one the more “ripe” blisters. He also took two more biopsies – one of a blister and one of the skin next to a blister.

The original pathology pointed to a blistering dermatitis and requires more testing to narrow it down. Because I presented as such a pathetic loser, he put a rush on the pathology so hopefully we’ll know by Thursday exactly what I have and can treat it accordingly. In the meantime I’m to keep up with the shingles medicine just in case.

This affliction has become my thorn in the flesh. Between the move and settling and adjusting and surgery, etc., I had shifted my focus away from God and onto anything and everything else. Why I did is beyond me. Even in the midst of the darkest period of my life I had a peace and a joy and a hope that I’ve not felt lately. And I’ve no one to blame but myself. So as frustrated as I’ve gotten with this uncomfortable plight, much more good than harm has come of it.

I also went today for my first weigh in at Weight Watchers. I didn’t budge an ounce. Let’s just say for illustration purposes that I weighed 115.5 last week. I weighed 115.5 this week as well. I tried not to be disappointed, but I was. I’m hoping I’ll make up for it next week and lose like 15 pounds! Or five. Or even two. I’m really not so hard to please. Give me half a pound, please!

I’ve been in such a blah mood today that I didn’t even call my mom to tell her about my appointment. I’m sure I’d start crying as soon as I heard her voice. So Mom, if you’re reading this, that’s the deal. I’ll call you tomorrow when I’m in a better place. :o)

14 Comments

  1. Manic Mom on March 6, 2007 at 10:30 pm

    I love that–“for illustration purposes!”I need to go back to WW but I’m scared!

  2. Anonymous on March 7, 2007 at 12:19 am

    I’ve known you long enough to tell you’re really bummed. I’m so sorry! Keep your chin up, your body has been through a lot and will just have to adjust to the whole dieting thing. And the bumps will eventually go away. Haven’t you had the shingles before or am I dreaming that?

  3. Swishy on March 7, 2007 at 12:46 am

    I was gonna say … YOU WEIGH 115.5 POUNDS AND YOU’RE ON WW?!?!? ha ha. I like the illustration purposes too. I was really good last week and I didn’t bunch a bit either–don’t worry, it’ll happen. Hang in there. It’ll be better tomorrow.

  4. Swishy on March 7, 2007 at 12:46 am

    I meant BUDGE. I can’t write.

  5. CindyS on March 7, 2007 at 1:35 am

    At least you have started WW – I’ve been terrified to go back – yeah, back. The first time I went I lost my weight but I drank so much diet soda that I basically upset my body chemistry and WHAM panic attacks up the whazoo. Three years later I was finally back to getting out of the house but in Canada they don’t have the foods that they have in the States and all the deserts were gone. So, no diet soda and no desserts – I’ve been staying away. Only I have now noticed they have deserts and I’m figuring I should re-start. My other ‘fall back’ thing is I’m on meds that cause weight gain so I figure it’ll take me a year to lose twenty pounds. I’m not sure my morale can take that so I know that it must have been a blow for you this week.Weirdly, I’m also developing some kind of rash all over my body – I’m hoping it was a switch in laundry detergent that caused this because it’s itchy as hell!I really do hope you will feel like you are in a better place tomorrow. CindyS

  6. The Book Girl, A.K.A. Jodi on March 7, 2007 at 2:13 am

    What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)This (above) is the verse on your CWO snippet box. Always remember that. We all get distracted, but thank God (literally), he sent His son and we have the cross to humble us…and a merciful God to forgive us. :)So, no blisters can bring you down. Start proclaiming that they are gone and start thanking God for your healing…even if you have no signs of healing. Just like Naaman the Lepper who dipped himself into the Jordan seven times and was healed…so shall you Jenster.Okay, now that I got all churchy on ya. heeheeI joined Bally’s Total Fitness and I haven’t lost a pound either! Apparently, you have to actually go to the gym in order to lose weight. ugh.

  7. Anonymous on March 7, 2007 at 2:34 am

    Hey Jen,I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I wish I had some inspiring words of wisdom to uplift your spirits. But, instead,I think it is OK to indulge yourself a little and allow yourself to feel down. You have been through so much and faced everything with such a positive attitude, spiritual faith, and humor. I hope it is of some comfort to know how inspirational you have been to me, as well as my mom, Tom, your family, friends, and countless others that visit your blog. There are so many days I feel so down that I don’t want to get out of bed. Then, I think of you, and I muster the strength to move forward. Love, Sheila

  8. Tara Marie on March 7, 2007 at 10:21 am

    So sorry, some days are rougher than others. If your on a lot of medication it can have an affect on weight loss–don’t obsess.You don’t need me to preach at you–God’s hands and all.Hugs, Tara

  9. Slackermommy on March 7, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    Oh lovey, you’ve got a lot going on. It’s not surprising that you’re down in the dumps. I got pretty depressed during my recovery. I was so tired of not feeling good. I hope all this passes soon for you.

  10. April on March 7, 2007 at 3:13 pm

    Dear Jen,I am sorry you have been through so much. YOu are one tough Chick. I often think that as I read your blog. We know where your strength comes from…and in your weakness He can make you strong. Thanks for being transparent. YOu are an encouragement to me. I will pray for you. BTW, I thought you might enjoy this article, called “Don’t waste your Cancer”. My sister with Lupus really enjoyed it. I thought you might like it too. Your such a reader you would be done in a minate or two. Here is the address:http://www.crosswalk.com/1383847/page2/

  11. Victoria Bylin on March 7, 2007 at 3:47 pm

    Hi Jen, Just a note to say you’re in my prayers. I work for a dermatologist. Blisters are one of the few conditions that merits an immediate appointment. They’re miserable! Here’s hoping the docs figure it out ASAP. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself . . .

  12. Frannie Farmer on March 7, 2007 at 8:20 pm

    Aw sweets, so sorry that you are having a tough time. I get a lump in my throat when I think of all you have been through and how completely amazing you are. I will pray for peace and wisdom (on the part of your doctors …) Hugs, Frannie

  13. Dylan on March 9, 2007 at 2:07 am

    Hey sweetie,You’ve had a rough time of it lately, huh? I don’t know if you know but you’re a regular part of my prayers, I think you are one of the sweetest bloggers I’ve had the pleasure of reading about and I often wonder how you’re doing, so I’m always keeping you in my prayers..just thought you’d want to know that sweetie.Big Hugs!

  14. Jen on March 9, 2007 at 2:49 pm

    I am way behind in reading your posts. I hate downer days – but they always make me turn my attention to the present and how God the Father can sustain me in the present. My obedience glorifies Him! I will be praying your bod starts co-operating with your diet. It gets discouraging to plateau – I am right there with you at this point 🙂 Hang in there Girlie!

Leave a Comment