Okay, I'll Spill

FRIDAY

I really wanted to crawl back in my bed after the kids left for school. It was cold and the funk was still upon me. But I couldn’t give in to it because it was my turn to host Home Team. God is so smart that way. If it had been at someone else’s house I’m pretty sure I would have succumbed to the warmth of my comforter. As it was I had to “attend” and I knew it was exactly what I needed. My “homies” (as one of the ladies calls us) were the perfect prescription for what was ailing me. By the time they left my soul felt as light as a feather. I love my homies.

After all they did for me I was rude and kicked them out so I could make it to the preschool Christmas lunch. It’s the only place I can think of where ladies will sit around a table laden with delicious holiday food and laugh about snot.

That evening was our neighborhood ladies’ ornament exchange and I had planned on going, but by Friday afternoon I was in a lot of discomfort from the procedure so I stayed home. Todd’s Christmas present came early – a 46″ Sharp Aquas – so we watched one of the best movies EVER – Live Free or Die Hard. Except I fell asleep on the love seat.

SATURDAY

I removed the last of the dressings Saturday morning. There was no whiskey involved because: a) we don’t have any in the house; and b) I was going to a brunch at church and I didn’t think smelling of liquid courage at 9:00 in the morning would endear me to anyone. Neither did I bite on any leather as I didn’t want to leave teeth marks in one of Todd’s belts. So I did the next best thing. I sang while I pulled the tape off. And not well, either.

No balloons or streamers were necessary. It was a non-event. Like taking a band aid off a paper cut. No biggy.

As I said, there was a ladies’ brunch at church that morning and once again God knew exactly what I needed. I thoroughly enjoyed everything about it – scrumptuals, coffee, gabbing with friends, making new friends, an Anita Renfroe clip, a devotional and a bible study. It was another soul-lifting experience.

SUNDAY

I’m afraid I may have mislead you all into thinking I did something really embarrassing at church, but it wasn’t SO bad. Seven short clips from Christmas movies were shown and we each wrote down what we thought they were. After the last clip our Director of Adult Ministries had us call out the titles. The first six were easy —

Home Alone
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Fred Clause
Christmas Vacation
The Santa Clause 3
It’s a Wonderful Life

Most of the congregation knew the movies so I just sat quietly and let everyone else yell their answers. The last clip, however, stumped the crowd. Someone yelled out Miracle on 34th Street, but that wasn’t right. When it became obvious no one else was going to confess to knowing what the last movie was I blurted out Bad Santa.

Both the kids were working in the children’s classes and Todd was home sick with an upper respiratory infection, leaving me sitting by myself. All of a sudden there were somewhere around 300 pairs of eyes on me while I was trying to convince them it was an educated guess. Which it was. But I don’t think anyone believed me.

Anyway, I won the annual fruit cake for my mad Christmas movie skillz. And here’s the funny thing. The reason I thought of Bad Santa was because it looked like Sarah Silverman in the scene. My thought process went something like this:

It’s Sarah Silverman

I don’t like Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman is bad

Bad Santa is bad

Must be Bad Santa

Turns out it wasn’t even Sarah Silverman. By using my stellar powers of deductive reasoning I have come to the conclusion that Jesus wanted me to have the fruit cake.

FOLLOW UP

Remember the drawing by one of the preschoolers I told you about? I took a picture of it with my phone this morning. How funny is this??

24 Comments

  1. lahdeedah on December 11, 2007 at 10:02 pm

    Jen, you have a rich life. It’s a good thing you have a rich vocabulary (aka mad writing skillz)to describe it 🙂 xoJill

  2. Shauna on December 11, 2007 at 10:54 pm

    Oh Jen, this is great! LOL!

  3. His Girl on December 11, 2007 at 11:18 pm

    All the way loving what you have to say. blessings on your day 🙂

  4. Gretchen on December 11, 2007 at 11:41 pm

    That picture should be copied and framed for every plastic surgeon. I know it’s eyes in glasses,but…the nipple placeme…er…pupil placement is spot on. :)I’m so glad you had some homie-spun soul liftin’. God is good. Bad Santa…eh. Hubby liked it; I ignored it, I think. I do have to confess about listening to some South Park Christmas songs, though. Of course, I don’t blurt that out in church. Better go…I have scarves to knit and kids to herd. I am queen of funkland @ times, unfortunately, so I think I get a little of where your heart was. So…I’m more than glad that you’re spirits are on the mend. xxxooogretchen

  5. Katybug on December 12, 2007 at 12:25 am

    I LOVED your thought process!!! I don’t mean to frighten you, but it sounds like something my brain would conjour up. My brain can logically think its way to a completely illogical conclusion in no time flat. The scary part is that to me, it makes total sense. I frighten myself sometimes.I think I need to “re-enlist” on your blogroll. I thought I was still on it. Apparently not!Thanks for the late-nite (for me, anyway) laughs! You’re better than Leno and Letterman!

  6. Katybug on December 12, 2007 at 12:29 am

    Oh, wait! I’m still there! It’s the email thing that didn’t come through. It’s probably my computer’s fault. 🙁

  7. Swishy on December 12, 2007 at 12:30 am

    LOVE IT! ha ha ha ha.

  8. Monnik on December 12, 2007 at 12:57 am

    c’mon now… there are EYEBROWS above those glasses… 🙂 Too funny!I’m glad you’re one of those people who lets God show you His gifts. Lots of people wouldn’t see things the way you do. Which is why you’re so cool. Those homies are lucky to have you in their posse.

  9. Trish on December 12, 2007 at 9:58 am

    You fell asleep during a Die Hard movie? LOL that’s like me…my boys are always laughing because I fall asleep during Arnold Schwartzenegger movies…the more the action the harder I sleep. You too? Too funny.That picture is precious 😉

  10. Jenster on December 12, 2007 at 10:36 am

    Jill – I’m in good company, then, because you’ve got some pretty mad writing skillz yourself! :o)Shauna – Welcome to my life. lolHis Girl – Did you mean to rhyme? ’cause you did a great job of it!Gretchen – I don’t like South Park – though I have to confess to laughing at it when someone else in my house who shall remain nameless has watched it. My vices run more along the lines of Desparate Housewives. It’s my most favoritist TV show EVER!Katybug – You don’t frighten me at all! I already had our similarities figured out. :o)And of course you’re on my blogroll! Silly girl…Swishy – Thanks. :o)Monnik – When I first saw the drawing it was upside down so it sort of looked like shadows under the boobs. LOL And I’m lucky to be part of the posse!Trish – Todd and I saw the movie in the theaters and I managed to stay awake there. In fact, I giggled through the whole movie because I was having so much fun. But I hate to fall asleep at a movie theater after spending all that money, you know. lol

  11. Dev on December 12, 2007 at 11:32 am

    I never saw Bad Santa ~ never will, but I’m glad you did so you could win the fruitcake 🙂

  12. Becky on December 12, 2007 at 11:58 am

    Loved this post! It’s so, uniquely you, lol, and I could totally picture everything you talked about! You’re a crackup, Jenster. LOVE the preschooler’s picture!

  13. Tanya on December 12, 2007 at 2:27 pm

    I don’t know why people looked at you strange for calling out Bad Santa. What about the person who put it up there in the first place?You were just hungry, I’d have been hungry too after all that trivia 😉

  14. beans on December 12, 2007 at 4:48 pm

    Love the picture . . you should ask beth if you can have it!!

  15. lahdeedah on December 12, 2007 at 10:04 pm

    PS: I’m taking this drawing to my new plastic surgeon. “Make mine look like these, please, but without the eyebrows.” Forgot to mention how sweet and cute this is…

  16. Jaime on December 13, 2007 at 1:07 am

    hey! 🙂 thanks for your comments on my blog; I’ve been MIA since getting sick with what L had! So terrible! And I drive home tomorrow b/c the semester is done..but I’ve been thinking about you! I have to ask – why don’t you like Sarah Silverman?

  17. Eileen on December 13, 2007 at 2:22 am

    Glad you fought that temptation to stay in bed, I know how hard it can be. Sorry about not having the whiskey in the house, get hubby on that pronto, kidding. Glad bandages came off OK.I have never actually eaten a fruit cake, only heard jokes about them, like in Junie B. Jones books. Do you actually eat it? Is it good? Hope so, and I hope you loved it. Glad you won, but more importantly, glad your soul was nourished. Such an amazing feeling.Love the drawing,,,,,on so many levels.XOXOXO

  18. Kris on December 13, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    Glad your church friends are lifting your spirits. Your thought process sounds like mine. My hubby asked about my thought process once so I explained the process from point A to Point B and he told me to never tell him again, it was too confusing.

  19. Zeek on December 13, 2007 at 3:20 pm

    Okay the entire end of the post made me chuckle- including the fridge artwork! They’re right, you do have a rich life!!!

  20. Jen on December 13, 2007 at 4:28 pm

    Aw, Jen. I have been out of your loop for a while. I hope Frankenboob has decided to behave and that all is much better now. Bless you! Girlfriends are the BEST medicine and I am glad you have yours.I LOVE the pic drawn by the Preschooler! LOL!! Kids! tee hee

  21. His Girl on December 13, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    Didn’t mean to rhyme… hahaha!A poet and didn’t know it….haha

  22. The Daily "B" on December 13, 2007 at 6:51 pm

    Sounds like it was a crazy week. It’s always good to hang out with your “homies” lol. That picture is hilarious.

  23. Lynilu on December 14, 2007 at 1:09 am

    Your thought process is a hoot!! What’s frightening is that I have had similar processes!! Oh, dear!!!

  24. Lisa on December 14, 2007 at 9:47 am

    Scrumptuals for both body and soul are hard to beat, yes? :o)Jesus wanted you to have the fruitcake? Why are you being punished?LOVE the picture! I can see why you thought of boobies. Even with the eyebrow action they have going on. LOL

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