I'm On Fire

matchstick

Good gracious, Gertrude! I burn everywhere. There was a t-shirt on Facebook that said, “Everything Hurts And I’m Dying.” No inspirational quote has ever captured my truth better.

Just to give you an idea of what my head is going through while my body is being tortured, here are more journal excerpts from the last few days.

Day 4, continued:

Another thought I’ve had. Facebook, Pinterest, TV – they’re all full of the most delicious looking, decadant, cheesy, creamy, chocolatey, sweet, greasy foods. *sigh*

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I was mean to Todd this morning. He was in the kitchen as I did my Pilates work out and more than one time I had to tell him to shut up. And not in the cute, flirty, giggle kind of way. It had a more, “Don’t make me come over there and shank you,” feel to it.

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I’m quickly figuring out that I shouldn’t “sit down for a minute” when I have dinner prep to do. I sat down for a minute about 30 minutes ago and now I don’t want to get up and make the marinade for the delicious flank steak I’m broiling for dinner. Mmmm… That sounds so good.

Okay. I’m getting up.

—–

I kind of phoned in dinner tonight. Man, I am so tired! I couldn’t want to do anything and used the summer heat as an excuse to scrap roasting potatoes because I didn’t want to clean and cut them. So I opened a can of peas instead. And the flank steak took F.O.R.E.V.E.R. to broil! Dinner was supposed to be around 6:30 and it was after 7 before we finally ate. It was good, though. I cut up my steak and put it in my salad.

Day 5:

Super slow start to this morning. Had my yummy egg and veggie with quinoa breakfast, but thinking about changing it up tomorrow. Haven’t decided how yet.

I’m getting ready to do my exercise – Cardio Fix. Sounds sweaty and exhausting. And again, I look ridiculous. I didn’t want to tell Todd to leave the room, but he offered so I took him up on it. Seems a little silly that after 28 years of marriage I still don’t want him to see me this way. Not like he can do anything. He’s stuck with me whether he likes it or not.

Lots of thoughts running through my head that will need to be written about. This could get ugly.

—-

I was right again. Cardio Fix was sweaty and exhausting. But mostly sweaty. And burpees are of the devil. Seriously. Who thought up that torture? I’m guessing Torquemada. I was ready to renounce my family just so I could stop doing them. And I did the modified version!

I did notice that I’m already more flexible than I was when I started 5 days ago. So that’s something.

Also, I like the warm up and the cool down. I wish there was 30 minutes of just those two things.

I am not managing to eat all my food in the day. I’m not too beat up about it, though. What I am eating is very healthy and nutrient rich. And I’m not starving at all.

Day 6:

I had to run to the grocery store this morning and stock up on veggies and meat again. I started with a coffee shake so I wouldn’t go hungry and it worked like a charm. I got my stuff and came home to fix a yummy bowl of oatmeal cooked with an egg, blueberries and a little maple syrup. It was delicious.

Now I have to exercise. Today’s work out is called “Dirty 30”. I don’t even want to know. But I’m gonna find out anyway. I am just as frightened as I was when it was Pilates day.

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Dirty 30 was hard, but it wasn’t horrible. Still noticing more flexibility and more strength. That’s pretty cool.

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As the day goes on the more sore I’m getting.

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A couple of thoughts I’ve had while doing these work outs:

1 – I haven’t always been this terribly out of shape. In fact, there was a time when I was very active and flexible. My mind knows what it’s like to move, stretch and bend the way I’m supposed to, but my body just can’t do it. Not yet anyway. It’s kind of like when I played softball when the kids were little. My mind knew how to play well from playing when I was younger, but my body just didn’t listen. It is depressing and frustrates me to no end.

2 – I think the warm up period is good exercise and I’d like to do 30 minutes of that. And also, she makes us get on our knees and one minute later she’s telling us to stand up and then one minute later it’s down on the floor. And she expects us to actually exercise during that minute. Getting up and back down and back up again IS exercise!

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Taylor described in detail THREE donuts he bought yesterday at work from Federal Donuts. It was so very cruel.

Day 7:

Last day of the first week! I hurt everywhere. I feel like I’m on fire. I keep looking down to make sure there are no flames.

Today was Yoga. I thought, “Oh good. Just some stretches. No big deal. Namaste.” Namaste your face. The first part of it was pretty much horrible. My favorite pose of all was the corpse pose. I can do that one like a boss.

I have no idea if I’ve lost any weight or inches, but I am more flexible and stronger than I was just a week ago. Don’t get me wrong. If after 3 weeks my clothes still fit exactly the same I will most likely fling myself into the depths of despair. But then I’m going to drag myself back up, wipe off those tears and get back to the work outs. And eating healthy.

Speaking of which, I don’t really feel deprived of anything. Not yet, anyway. Though last night while I was eating fresh strawberries I kept thinking about how much better they would be on shortcake with real whipped cream.

I know to a lot of people, doing this for seven days in a row is no big deal. For me it’s huge. I’m such a quitter! But now I’m 1/3 of the way in, I may as well keep going.

One week down, two left. Watch me go!

 

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