Percocet Post aka Ooops, I’m Pregnant

I haven’t had any need for the Percocet for a while now, but I did “compose” this post one night after my medication had relaxed me significantly. The funny and/or sad thing is it reads pretty much like my sober posts. Which means we can infer I am the same whether under the influence or not. And yes. Given enough M&Ms I will dance on the table.

I don’t know why I even thought of this. Katie’s birthday isn’t until October. Maybe it was because I just had a hysterectomy and this was the last time my uterus did its job. But for whatever reason, here it is:

Sometime during the first two weeks of 1994 I found myself with a few suspicious symptoms. I ran to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so, certain smells made me queasy, my breasts were sensitive – I was very nearly sure I was pregnant. The problem was that I hadn’t convinced Todd we needed another child yet. Taylor was about 20 months old and Todd worried he’d never be able to love another child as much as he loved his firstborn.

I’d only skipped a couple days of my birth control pills in December because I’d forgotten to get my refill before the pharmacy was closed for Christmas and I started them up again as soon as I was able. My ob/gyn nurse told me to stop taking the pills in case I was truly pregnant and if I started my period to go another month without the pills to give my body a break from the confusion. “Don’t forget alternative protection,” she warned.

So I did what she said and a couple days later I started my period. The same day as my supervisor’s wedding – January 15th. I was so used to keeping track of my cycle by my birth control pills that I didn’t bother to write it down on the calendar. Between two hectic, exhausting jobs and a demanding toddler there wasn’t a huge need for “alternative protection”, but we had our supplies just in case.

A week later I went on a business trip to Mobile, Alabama for several days, returning home on January 27th. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes for two impatient individuals who, in the heat of passion may have forgotten the nurse’s warning. Just once.

Another couple of weeks and Todd started questioning me about when I’d start my period. I’d completely forgotten the fact my last period had started the day of Angel’s wedding and I told him I wasn’t sure, but it would probably be in the next week or so.

The following Friday I was at work and something was said about Angel’s wedding. My memory was triggered and I grabbed a calendar to count. I came up with 35 days which meant I’d counted wrong. So I counted again and I still came up with 35 days. The third time I used a pen to mark each day so I’d know I didn’t count a week twice and when it said 35 days I knew I had a serious problem.

A defective calendar.

Because I was a legal assistant and responsible for keeping track of hearings, trials and deadlines I had several calendars. They all said the same thing. Which I figured meant they all came from the same defective lot. There was a faint screaming going on somewhere in the recesses of my mind, but I shut that door and ignored it.

Everyone else was out of the office so I went into a co-worker’s office and counted on her calendars. Same thing – 35 days. Next was my secretary’s calendar. I thought maybe the secretaries used a different lot, but apparently I was wrong. I couldn’t believe that the law firm had ended up with an entire batch of erroneous calendars.

I walked back to my office in a daze and finished out the rest of the day with a minimum of conscious thought. It seemed a bit ironic that when I’d felt pregnant I wasn’t. And when I wasn’t paying any attention it looked like I might be.

It was obvious a pregnancy test was going to be needed since the calendars were of no help. As I pulled up to the pharmacy on the way home I realized I didn’t have any jewelry on, including a wedding ring. Yes, I know it was 1994 and a woman didn’t have to be married to have a baby. But I’m old school so I blabbered on to the pharmacist how I really was married – had been nearly six years – but I just forgot to put on my wedding band that morning. Without any emotion he looked at me and said, “Lady, this is Southwest Little Rock. I couldn’t care less.”

Taylor was in day care part time and my parents watched him the rest of the time. They were at my house with him and when I walked in Todd was visiting with them. “I told Gab and Candy that if we were to have a girl, which we’re not going to have any more children so it’s a moot point, but we like the name Katie,” I heard him say.

There was no time for pleasantries. Clenching my paper bag with white knuckles, I rushed in, said, “Todd, I need to see you in the bedroom. Now!” and ran on down the hall. My distress was obvious and he quickly followed me in.

I turned around to face him and pulled the kit out of my bag. It took a minute for the implications to register, but I knew the instant he realized what I was about. I explained the calendar situation to him and reminded him about the night I got home from Alabama.

I took care of business and Todd set the timer on his watch for five minutes. I sat on the bed while he paced back and forth, mumbling about how he knew he’d get used to the idea of another child, but this wasn’t part of the plan, but he would be happy about it, but this was really not part of the plan, but another baby would be a blessing, but this absolutely was not part of the plan.

When the watch started beeping we looked at each other, took a deep breath and walked into the bathroom. Staring us full in the face, as plain as day, was a big, pink plus sign. Part of the plan or not, neither one of us could keep the huge grins from our faces.

He hugged me and kissed me, then grabbed the stick (with the lid back on, of course) and left me in the room to show my parents. He handed the stick to my mom and at first she had no idea what it was. It didn’t take long to dawn on her, though, and the first thing she said was, “OH! If it’s pink does that mean it’s a girl?” At that time my parents had eight grandchildren, all of them boys. We got a great chuckle out of that.

Todd called his parents in California next. His mother was a little distraught because she wanted a granddaughter as well and had heard about a procedure in Switzerland where they spin the sperm and it separates the females from the males. “But you didn’t get your sperm spun,” she said. Todd told her, “Don’t worry, Mom. I just held on to the ceiling fan and spun around a few times before getting started.”

After that was a call to Gab and Candy. You know, the couple Todd had been visiting before he came home. The couple he told we wouldn’t be having another baby. Talk about eating your words while they’re still hot!

Neither child is more special than the other. They’re both loved with the same depth and intensity. Taylor was a planned blessing. Katie, on the other hand, was just a blessing. And she is DADDY’S LITTLE GIRL!

30 thoughts on “Percocet Post aka Ooops, I’m Pregnant

  1. I am finding that Todd is as funny as you. The ceiling fan comment had me laughing a loud. You must have a great many laughs at home with the two of you. Thanks for sharing this fun story.

  2. If I ever do get pregnant again, I’ll have to remember that pink stick = girl! Love it.Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and for your supportive comments.

  3. LOL! Spinning on a ceiling fan??? ROFLOL! Actually, our third was conceived this way. No, not the ceiling fan. He was a one-oops-in-the-moment-of-passion blessing! I tried to tell hubby it wasn’t a good time (we were away and forgotten our “supply”) but why is it they never listen??That’s a rhetorical question. No need to answer. LOL!

  4. Mayberry – Thanks for coming by here. :o)Shauna – I don’t think either one of us were listening. LOLTravis – Do you think it would be along the same lines as “rock my world”?

  5. Hi,I remember having “terrible PMS”, and taking a beer and a motrin. Only the next day did the light dawn on me…I went and got the test, took it, and then Big and I stared at each other. He was the first to say something. I think he patted my back and said “congratulations.” What’s weird is that we were actually going to start trying the next month…I love these stories…Thanks for sharing.I have linked to you–hope you don’t mind.

  6. That was sweet! Almost made me wanna have kids. ALmost but not quite. Me and kids just do NOT get along. I was not genetically engrained to have children. Shoot, I don’t even get the warm and fuzzies when I see children. But I do go insane when I see puppies and kitties! LOL. I had an aunt that was the exact same way. She said she couldn’t be bothered. But don’t worry! We don’t hate kids or anything. They just aren’t my cup of tea. Although I did LOVE to dress up my little cousin to look like me. Platforms and all. LMAO!!!!Oh and the post itself was hella funny. Percocet or not. Love your blog!:-P

  7. Gretchen – A beer and a motrin – LOL. Looks like God just beat you to the punch. :o)And thank you for linking me!! I’ll be linking you, too.Mailyn – Not everyone is programmed for kids. You have a heart of gold and it’s the sweet little animals that benefit! :o)Dance Chica – Thanks!

  8. Well being that I was an oops as well, I believe I can speak for Katie and say “thank you for screwing up. We owe our lives to you and your bad memory!” Actually, I believe I owe my life to Pabst Blue Ribbon, but you know what i’m saying. Heehee 😉

  9. “…in the heat of passion may have forgotten the nurse’s warning.”According to my parents this is what happened to them…nine times.

  10. I was also an “oops”, practically a guesst at my parents’ wedding in fact. What a great story. Jenster, I love coming here – you know how to capture your audience and keep us coming back for more, just with your way of sharing your life 🙂

  11. Awwww! That is such a sweet story! I well remember my ‘Oh, no!! I am not pregnant!’ moment – who is now named Owen – very well! LOL

  12. What a wonderful story! For my surprise baby, I think I thought I was pregnant when I wasn’t yet (at least the first pregnancy test was negative) and then weeks later when I took another one, it was positive. I should write about that experience because it was sort of funny…my mom was staying with us, we were in our in-between houses apartment with two bedrooms, 3 kids and we smuggled in the pregnancy test so she wouldn’t see. If I don’t write about it soon, will you remind me? Because I’m sure you have nothing better to do than to keep track of my blog posts for me (sarcasm) I agree with your statement that although she wasn’t planned, she was a blessing. I feel the same way about my son. I can’t believe I thought our family was complete before he was born. I can not imagine life without him!

  13. So, you really don’t write all that different on Percocet 🙂 For some strange reason I knew some of this story–did you post something on RT about it??Love the ceiling fan part 🙂 It brought images into my head that probably shouldn’t belong there.

  14. Well, as Paul Harvey used to say, “now for the rest of the story”. We now know the rest of the story and we all know how loved and special Katie is. I would have to say that my first three children were not planned, just the last one was. He was planned because Motherhood Maternity had a REALLY cute pink maternity top in their store and I had to have it 😉

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