I really wanted to crawl back in my bed after the kids left for school. It was cold and the funk was still upon me. But I couldn’t give in to it because it was my turn to host Home Team. God is so smart that way. If it had been at someone else’s house I’m pretty sure I would have succumbed to the warmth of my comforter. As it was I had to “attend” and I knew it was exactly what I needed. My “homies” (as one of the ladies calls us) were the perfect prescription for what was ailing me. By the time they left my soul felt as light as a feather. I love my homies.
After all they did for me I was rude and kicked them out so I could make it to the preschool Christmas lunch. It’s the only place I can think of where ladies will sit around a table laden with delicious holiday food and laugh about snot.
That evening was our neighborhood ladies’ ornament exchange and I had planned on going, but by Friday afternoon I was in a lot of discomfort from the procedure so I stayed home. Todd’s Christmas present came early – a 46″ Sharp Aquas – so we watched one of the best movies EVER – Live Free or Die Hard. Except I fell asleep on the love seat.
I removed the last of the dressings Saturday morning. There was no whiskey involved because: a) we don’t have any in the house; and b) I was going to a brunch at church and I didn’t think smelling of liquid courage at 9:00 in the morning would endear me to anyone. Neither did I bite on any leather as I didn’t want to leave teeth marks in one of Todd’s belts. So I did the next best thing. I sang while I pulled the tape off. And not well, either.
No balloons or streamers were necessary. It was a non-event. Like taking a band aid off a paper cut. No biggy.
As I said, there was a ladies’ brunch at church that morning and once again God knew exactly what I needed. I thoroughly enjoyed everything about it – scrumptuals, coffee, gabbing with friends, making new friends, an Anita Renfroe clip, a devotional and a bible study. It was another soul-lifting experience.
I’m afraid I may have mislead you all into thinking I did something really embarrassing at church, but it wasn’t SO bad. Seven short clips from Christmas movies were shown and we each wrote down what we thought they were. After the last clip our Director of Adult Ministries had us call out the titles. The first six were easy —
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
The Santa Clause 3
It’s a Wonderful Life
Most of the congregation knew the movies so I just sat quietly and let everyone else yell their answers. The last clip, however, stumped the crowd. Someone yelled out Miracle on 34th Street, but that wasn’t right. When it became obvious no one else was going to confess to knowing what the last movie was I blurted out Bad Santa.
Both the kids were working in the children’s classes and Todd was home sick with an upper respiratory infection, leaving me sitting by myself. All of a sudden there were somewhere around 300 pairs of eyes on me while I was trying to convince them it was an educated guess. Which it was. But I don’t think anyone believed me.
Anyway, I won the annual fruit cake for my mad Christmas movie skillz. And here’s the funny thing. The reason I thought of Bad Santa was because it looked like Sarah Silverman in the scene. My thought process went something like this:
It’s Sarah Silverman
I don’t like Sarah Silverman
Sarah Silverman is bad
Bad Santa is bad
Must be Bad Santa
Turns out it wasn’t even Sarah Silverman. By using my stellar powers of deductive reasoning I have come to the conclusion that Jesus wanted me to have the fruit cake.
Remember the drawing by one of the preschoolers I told you about? I took a picture of it with my phone this morning. How funny is this??